Obviously it's easier said than done but self-value, self-love and self-respect should never be lost. Being women, it's hard. We still live in a society where women are treated 'lower' than men and are expected to give up their dreams, hopes and goals to stay at home for her partner and kids. Especially being Tamil, that stereotype has been embedded in our parents' lives and sadly may take a few generations to change.
But however, there are some things you should never change about yourself particularly when you're in a relationship. If your guy treats you right and loves you, then this is never an issue. A relationship is about being in an equal partnership. Like think about it, what is the point in going through hundreds of exams, numerous job interviews, thousands of pounds in tuition fees if your life will eventually just be you being a stay-at-home mum? Don't get me wrong, I think the most rewarding job is to be a mother but you don't need to sit an exam for that, have a degree for that etc. So why go through all that hassle for nothing?
One thing I realised from surrounding relationships and my own ones, is to be better, a woman has to think better. So change the way you think, find passion in what you do. And if something or someone doesn't make you happy, don't fight for it because it's not worth it. I was lucky because I was respected and was always persuaded to follow my dreams and do what made me happy. There were no expectations and that is love. Remember, self-love is sexy.
So I thought of 10 things I think strong women should never do in relationships and a little explanation as to why:
1. Never ignore your friendships - Your friends are your biggest support system. The reality is your girls have been there for you through the ups and downs and they get you. Relationships are never easy and your girls will always be there for you. Whether you need to rant, cry or laugh; you NEED your girls so don't ever ignore them for a guy because it is never worth it.
2. Never give up your financial independence - Money comes and goes but you never want to be dependant on your partner. There is one thing saving up for something and enjoying trips together, but remember you are your own person and you don't need a guy to give you his money for you to have fun.
3. Never try to control or change your partner - Remember that you should treat your guy the way you expect to be treated. You fell in love with him for how he is so you should let him be him, and you be you.
4. Never give up your own goals and dreams - I've probably said this so many times in my life but a women should have goals and ambitions and something to look forward to and work towards. Most guys find ambition in a girl a really attractive trait so it's a win-win. The key is you should always aspire and inspire.
5. Never act needy and insecure - Another way of saying this is always be strong and independent. You should always be happy with the way you are and if you're lucky enough to meet a guy who supports you then it's a bonus in life. Being needy and insecure is never good for anyone especially yourself so it's all about self-love and being confident.
6. Never be passive-aggressive - If something is on your mind, talk to your guy. Communication is so important in any kind of relationship. How does someone know what is on your mind if you don't say it? Love is amazing and once you begin to love someone they become your best friend. Your guy should and will accept you for who you are and have the ability to listen to you so talk to them they way want.
7. Never let your partner make all the decisions in the relationships - It's all about equality and so you should both have a say and come to a fair decision when it comes to anything. Whether that be what you choose to wear for a party or which house to buy, you have to compromise. When the guy makes all the decisions, it effectively never ends well. You feel like you're being controlled, begin to feel negative and then that's when relationship begins to deteriorate. So make sure your voice is heard and respect each other's opinions.
8. Never complain about your partner to others - Relationships are meant to be private and intimate and so keep it that way. Telling others just creates confusion. Everyone has opinions and different experiences and so different kinds of advise will just make matters worse. It's okay to speak to someone but just make sure you still make a decision about your partner based on what you want. You fell in love with him and he's your version of perfect so accept everything about him on your own accord.
9. Never expect your partner to meet your needs - Effectively, no expectations means no disappointments but it's okay to want something from your relationship. But the reality that can't be everything. For example, you might want your guy to look or dress a specific way but if that makes him uncomfortable then is it worth making him miserable? Remember, you knew what you signed up to when you fell in love with him so compromise and accept each other.
10. Never give up your own identity - This to me is the final and the most important thing you should never do. To get to a point where we're in a relationship, women go through the good, bad and ugly. You are a strong woman and you are perfect just the way you are. Yes, we're flawed and there's always room for improvement but you are who you are. Whether that be the crazy girl on nights out, the girl who just likes to go on long walks alone or the girl who likes to work out, you are you and you are amazing in your own way. The only person who can change that or even has the right to do so is you and never EVER forget that.
So the message here is always be strong and your guy will love you even more. And remember, be you and be the best version of you - single or taken.
- athera -
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