Sex - a simple temptation?

The truth is I've never had sex. And so yes, I am a virgin in her mid-20s. I used to say I am glad that I am and that I'm glad I'm waiting; but as I grow older, that view seems to be changing. We live in a world where sex, to most people doesn't mean anything and is just something you do. But for me growing up, sex was seen as something intimate, passionate and beautiful. More importantly, I saw sex as something I would do with the guy I would spend the rest of my life with. And that is the reason why I am still a virgin.

Don't get me wrong I have been in bed with guys I like, guys I don't know and the guy who still is the love of my life but I've just never been able to do it. It's that one thing that I know that once it's gone, it's gone so I know it has to be worth it. So I've been waiting it out. But the older I get, the more I wonder whether it's worth it. I've dated a few guys in the last few years and every time I mention I'm a virgin, they're all so shocked. Shocked because girls who are saving themselves don't supposedly exist and shocked that I have such strong morals.

But sometimes it's shit. I watch movies, I watch porn and read erotic novels and all I can think is 'Fuck, I need to be fucked'. Your imagination can sometimes go a long long way and my imagination is sometimes so graphic that I wonder if I'm so obsessed with wanting to fuck someone (weird but true). I've always wondered what it would feel like, how I would feel during and after it and more importantly who I would do it with.

My dreams are always filled with this faceless dark-skinned guy with my version of a perfect body: slightly skinny but muscly, a dench back and strong legs; who is all mine. For me in bed, a guy has to be a man. He has to control the situation and overpower me. Since I can remember, I've always wanted a guy who could just push me against the wall, kiss me passionately, pick me up and throw me onto the bed and just dominate me. To put it in simple terms, I want to be fucked so hard that I can't walk the next day. THAT is a man I want.

I know this is all weird and I am such a kinky girl but it just makes being in bed with someone much more fun. Although I have never had sex, foreplay and kinkiness is my forte. I genuinely invest in handcuffs, rope, babydolls etc. just to make it more sexy, hot and fun for the both of us. I've used all kinds of things in bed: food, candle wax, alcohol etc etc but it just is so hot and the guys seem to love it as it is so unexpected.

As you can tell, I really do have conflicted opinions about the whole sex thing but the one thing I know for a fact is that I want it to be worth it. So I suppose until I feel that way; I'm going to just have to use my wild imagination and wait.

- athera -